4 - Microaggressions

👋 Hi, and welcome to the fourth episode of Underestimated Fat Chick, I'm your host, Nicole. In this episode, I talk with Jillyan, my fiance about microaggressions, and we break down Maddie Zahm’s song, “Fat, Funny, Friend”.  Please like, rate, and subscribe to the show, and remember that new episodes drop every Friday!

📷 You can follow my personal Instagram to get to know me better @allthingsnicolemay & don't forget to follow the podcast too @underestimatedfatchick to answer weekly questions for future episodes and have your answer featured.

🌐 You can read the transcript version of this episode here.

Links :

🔗 https://www.underestimatedfatchick.com/

🔗 Fat Funny Friend

🔗 Being in Your Body Journal

🔗 Jillyan's Website

Transcript

Hello Underestimated Fat Chicks & Friends on today’s episode we are going to be talking about microaggressions- what that means and how it affects all people but of course I am going to bring my perspective of being fat & queer to that concept.

I have a special guest joining me to help me talk about microaggressions and explain what that even is to you all. She graduated with her undergrad from Cal-State Fullerton w/ Bach. in Psychology. She then attended Grad school in Portland Oregon and graduated with her Masters from Lewis and Clark College in Marriage and Family Therapy. Most recently after moving back to CA she started her own Private Practice and is KILLING it. She inspires me everyday… and I might be a little bias, because she is my best friend…. And fiance! PLease welcome Jillyan Medina to the Underestimated Fat Chick Podcast!

N: Hi babe.Okay, So first of all I want to ask you to share with our listeners a little about yourself and your journey with therapy / wanting to become a therapist.

JILL RESPONDS : 

N : In what ways have you felt Underestimated in your life?

JILL RESPONDS :

N : ** I will respond to your responses, then go into the next**

So, I wanted to talk about microaggressions on this podcast with you because ever since I learned that term from you, it’s helped me understand why I feel the way that I feel and has helped me to feel validated and normalize my experiences. So, what IS a microaggression?

JILL RESPONDS: 

N :

N :do you remember the song you showed me a couple weeks ago by Maddie Zahm?

J:

N: I wanted to go through that song and break it down with you because I felt like it encompasses a lot of the experiences I have has, and how they are kind of all microaggressions that she talks about, sound good?

J:

1st verse:

I break the ice

So they don't see my size

And I have to be nice

Or I'll be the next punchline

I'm just the best friend in Hollywood movies

Who only exist to continue the story

The girl gets the guy while I'm standing off-screen

So I'll wait for my cue to be comedic relief

Chorus: 

Can't be too loud

Can't be too busy

If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?

Can't be too proud

Can't think I'm pretty

Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

2nd verse : 

I say I'm okay

'Cause they wouldn't care anyway

And I could try to explain

But my efforts in vain

They can't relate to how I've

Drawn out in Sharpie where I take the scissors

If that's what it took for me to look in the mirror

I've done every diet to make me look thinner

So why do I still feel so goddamn inferior?

Chorus:

Can't be too loud

And can't be too busy

If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?

Can't be too proud and

Can't think I'm pretty

Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

Bridge:

Life of the fat, funny friend

Life of the fat, funny friend

Verse 3:

It's funny when I think a guy likes me

And it's funny when I'm the one who says, "Let's go to eat"

It's funny when I'm asked to go out on Halloween

Dresses and thigh highs, while I hide my body

Can't be too loud

And can't be too busy

If I don't answer now, are they still gonna miss me?

Chorus:

Can't be too loud

And can't be too busy

If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?

Can't be too proud and

Can't think I'm pretty

Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

End / outro:

Life of the fat, funny friend

Life of the fat, funny friend

Life of the fat, funny friend

Life of the fat, funny friend

I've drawn out in Sharpie where I take the scissors

N: I love this song because it is so relatable, but I also want to give our friends out there some tips / tools from our fat friend therapist, you- lol- how to fight these microaggressions, so continue to live out lives loud and proud and to not settle for the fat, funny, friend becuase I know for TOO long I just let myself be cast in that role, and like…. No. No more. I’m done being underestimated, you know? So 

J:

N: respond to J

N: recap on the episode , ask listeners what they want to hear about. Tell me in my instastories. **Tell J about last week and maybe re-watching Shrill.** Would you want to do that with me?

J: 

N: Also, I am linking the journal again  that I talked about last week. Remember the “being in your body journal” The first prompt was

“You cannot go back, you can only go through, take a moment to write about the changes your body has gone through focusing on the ones you felt resistant to.”

“Now write about the changes you have come to appreciate or accept, and why.”

Thinking about these 2 prompts this week, I kind of went through a little journey with myself. I thought about my body journey and I want to share that here.

Little-2nd grade think, the first time someone commented on my body was in 3rd grade about boobs, hated boobs, hated getting chubby, weight taken at a girl scout thing, 108- heaviest, and so embarrassed. Bigger than all my friends, weight watchers in high school, still just felt so big, PE 202, felt so much shame and embarrassment. Lost some weight with WW and was still in the 220s, always bigger than my friends, looking back now wish I would have loved my body then. There was nothing wrong with it…. Started gaining weight ½ way through college- rapidly. Then, more and more through late 20s- no change in diet or lifestyle. Very resistant to weight gain. Resistant to body aches and joint stuff, 

I’ve come to accept my body as it is today because it’s not something I can CHANGE right now…. I appreciate the community that comes along with it. I have accepted that my body will change and that my body carys me around, and I just love it for what it is. I strive to change my mindset around just what it is deemed as ugly or non functioning, and am appreciating it instead.

Going along with this concept of journaling- I wanted to create a journal or worksheet about microaggressions to help you be aware of how your privilege may cause microaggressions for others, and how to process some of your own microaggressions that you may experience.. You can get it on my website. Underestimatedfatchick.com  

That’s all I got for this week my friends. There are new episodes every Friday. Next week I will be talking about Ghana, in West Africa, and how they view bodies / my experience living there and how it helped me accept myself for reallythe first time. You can follow me on my personal account on instagram to get to know me better @allthingsnicolemay OR you can follow the podcast @underestimatedfatchick where I post lots of different fat related content. Jillyan doesn’t really use social media, so if you want more of her, watch my stories on my personal account, but you CAN see her super legit therapy website if you are curious at anchoredhearttherapy.com.. Jillyan, do you have any final thoughts?

J:

N:  if there’s nothing else, I want you to join me in how I always end, and try to sound like me okay? I say, remember…. Don’t underestimate.. A fat chick bye.  On three, ready? 1…2…3…

Both say:  remember…. Don’t underestimate.. A fat chick…. byeeeeeeeeeee.

N: make a comment about how she said bye, J respond while outro begins…

Outro : Thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of Underestimated Fat Chick. Please like and subscribe to this podcast if this is something that you’re enjoying so that you don’t miss anything else. In the show notes there is a link to my website which links you to all the other good things out there for this podcast, so check that link below or you can go to underestimatedfatchick.com.